By Jenny Silbiger (Follow us on LinkedIn)
I love the wonder, joy and celebration that the holiday season brings! And I also amble along the loop-di-loops that this time can bring around grief and loss. A note to myself and others who may feel the same—to be gentle with ourselves as we walk, sing, dance, celebrate, and/or possibly cry and struggle through December 2023 and ring in the new year of 2024. I may be wearing antlers and laughing while embodying a Santa elf one moment, and the next, making space for the tears and sadness when thinking about someone I’ve lost or won’t see in this life again.
They don’t give you a rulebook or guidebook about navigating the contours of life in school, do they? Sometimes we arrive at adulthood and wonder how we got here. Sometimes it seems like a miracle.. Other times, it is a given. The fact that we’re here makes me so grateful and thankful. When the world is singing holiday songs and colorful lights blink all around us, at the same time when personal experiences or global news around suffering continues in pockets of our world, anyone with a heart or who has eyes to see, can recognize the nuances.
I made it to half a century in 2023—embracing my GenX-ness—celebrating with family, friends, and Waikiki fireworks (and a surfing staycation!). I laughed so hard and almost lit the kitchen on fire trying to light all those 50 candles, and felt myself buoyed by joy and laughter. I’m so thankful for the people who’ve been with me along this journey, new and old. I’ve lost a lot too, struggled with personal and professional successes and challenges. My heart has been run over a million times and also grown a gazillion times bigger along the way. While I don’t have it all dialed in, here’s some of what has helped me cope, both at work and at home when contemplating the holiday season.
- Acknowledge and name the experiences and feelings that come at any given moment—without judgment. (The letting-go-of-judgment piece can be difficult, deep breaths!).
- Accept that both joy and sorrow are not permanent: like the tide, they ebb and flow.
- We’re all imperfect people living in an imperfect world. Please be forgiving, mostly to ourselves, when we stumble on our path.
- Acts of service: can you think about one thing (big or small) that you could do for someone else? This could be anything under the sun – a brief connection helping someone find their way (I get asked for directions a lot, lol), bringing in snacks for your colleagues at the office, volunteering to help with a service project in your workplace or in your personal life. It’s the connection piece that can soothe the heart.
- We’re not alone—the person crossing the street in front of us may be going through hardships of which we have no clue. We might feel so alone on our life-raft, but there are so many people at sea with us, too.
- Think of one thing, once a day, if you can, that you’re truly, deep-in-the-heart grateful for. Again, it could be anything under the sun, like having clean air to breathe, or the successes or achievements of your spouse, partner, children, loved one or yourself. Being thankful for one small (or big) thing can be a lifeline to the present moment.
- Stay present—when we feel our minds looping and running to the next anxious thought, take a deep breath and let yourself come back to wherever you are physically placed in the world.
Here are additional resources on navigating the season from some professional organizations and voices out there in the world:
Crisis Support:
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
- Crisis Text Line
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMN) Crisis support
General Support:
- Grief & The Holidays (from Grief.com)
- Holiday Depression & Stress (from Cleveland Clinic)
- Tips to Beat Holiday Depression (from the Mayo Clinic Minute)
- Brené Brown on grief (from Upworthy)
I think the most impactful observations of these resources are that 1) people across the world actually care about our well-being, 2) it’s okay for us to be imperfect, and 3) it’s also normal for us to be jolly one moment and deeply sad the next, if that’s how it happens to be.
We’re all complicated human beings and just sending love and hugs out into the NBU universe for the holiday season, and this is also a reminder that each of us has unique gifts to offer the world—that we can all make a difference in our working worlds and personal lives. Like Dr. Brené Brown has said and her research shows: we are all worthy of love and belonging.
Happy Holidays, NBU!
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Notes Between Us (NBU) is a blog about conversations and topics of interest to the writers. The writers are expressing their personal opinions solely. The essays represent their personal beliefs and not those of their workplaces or any organization they are associated with.
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